These last few weeks(lets say months) has been hard on me, but the weeks has been the roughest. I actually wanted to cut heads off people and piss down their necks. I was so irritable I think every body at work must be mad at me because I have been on everybodies case, well at least they are quite people so they wouldn't confront me anyway. I guess all this is part of my grief process. I guess I am still mad for Khristy's dying. I blame it on the drugs, but you just want to blame it on somebody that is real. Peter is staying away from me, cautionally giving me hugs to help me through all this, He doen't really know how to help, but I would say hugs is very good.
This morning I woke up some what normal I even went out to the village, with the dog Molly....I did find myself getting irritable trying to get this stuoid gas cap off the car. I have this locked gas cap and I haven't been able to work it since I got it. Peter finally had to get it off before I went into the village to get gas, the gas cap now is off my car, because I am just tired of dealing with it. I didn't have to get a locked gas cap because my car already has a lock on the door to get to the gas cap so that makes it double locked it has been a pain in the ass ever since. Why did I get a locked gas cap???? Well I thought thats what I was suppose to do, misunderstanding on my part, for my driver test(which I failed) but as I found out it didn't have to have a lock on it. Oh well have calmed down after that now decided to relax for the rest of the day by the fire and play my computer games.....
I still haven't got to plant the flowers on Khristy's grave, because it was nasty weather Sunday and I worked Monday and Tuesday. So now this is my first day off and the weather isn't to great today. You know I even got mad at my brother. I called him I think it was Sunday and all he could talk about was himself and played the guitar. Normally I wouldn't mind, but he didin't even ask me how I was doing. I guess I expect everyone to remember when Khristy died and act like they care. You know of all the people I expected to care didn't, and I got a card from my dear friend Joyce playing a song called I'll be there which just brighten up my day. She is such a good friend. Everybody seems so self centered. Well my brother, son and sister..... Its got to be all about them or they will just forget you. Thats the way it goes I guess maybe next week I will feel different. Maybe I am just too caring about other peoples feelings and I expect too much from other people.
Oh yeah we have bird eggs from one of the canaries. Peter has paired them up about maybe a week or two ago has found some that he thought was female that they were males. LOL Its really hard to tell, well the only way is that the male sings. The females make their little nest, and we have one female that is very posh about her nest looks like she took a designer course. LOL I will try to take some pics when the little birds hatch. right now I don't want to up set their mating. LOL
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