I am alive

I have made it .... I did four 12 hour shifts in a row and 53 wow....I still got it... Well I am not able to do anything since I got off work,but yeah, give me a break I did mention I was 53. LOL

Our handbags came in today from the 2nd party, plus orders from single orders, I don't so far have a party booked for this week because of working night shift, so maybe I can get back to my normal shift, but I have a feeling next month is not going to be normal at all with work. We have this nurse that is taking off on Holiday for a month going back to her homeland India...Still have the nurse out that her husband died...Then the boss has let another nurse go on Holiday the first week in May...I really don't know what she is thinking we don't really have that many nurses to cover all those nurses being gone, I did find out that there is no way I can do a repeat performance with the 4 shifts. I can only do what I can and that's it....I can't help it if all these people want off at the same time and she lets them..Well two she couldn't help..The girl had down vacation time in plenty of time for her to get it together.... Oh my venting is over with. I think LOL

The jewelry is suppose to be in tomorrow can't wait until I get all the orders in and all given out. Peter went ahead and ordered more stuff as samples for me to sow at the parties. So I really need to get my priorities straight... The handbag business should come first because I do want to get out of nursing... So bad....

By working night shift it reminded me when I did work night shift in the States and that was a good memory with the people I used to work with and Peter being there it was a good feeling.

Tomorrow is shopping day because it is the only day I have free... Well I do have the weekend but I really want to take it easy....

Be careful out there

The living dead

Well this week I am working night shift and if you have ever worked night shift you know what I mean by saying the living dead. One night nurse is off on vacation and the other one that usually works night is off because her husband has died. So only on night shift for this week then back to good ole day shift.... also been busy ordered handbags and jewelry from the previous parties. Some of them came in last week so busy delivering the orders....getting the money is the best part. LOL

Not much to say on this post Gotta get ready for work. I have posted some pics on Bebo so if you get a chance visit www.bebo.com and look at my profile, I think I have registered as cindy08 or cindyw08 something like that if you have problems viewing it let me know and I will look up my name on that and let you know. Can also invite you as a friend....

Take care This pic is some pic that someone forwarded me...

My Second Party

It went really great, 11 people showed up and I got over 500.00 in sales. So to sum it up after two parties I have had over 1000.00 in sales.... That is great... I am so glad my new business is doing so well. People like the jewelry and handbags and more importantly they like the price. So I am just getting good input all the time. Only one person out of 11 tonight wanted to give a party. So going to have to work on getting more people to give parties....But I do have 6 people that want to give parties so just have to get back with them on when they would be willing to do it... I am just afraid I am going to run out of people that want to give parties. For tonight I am on cloud 9 and am not going to think of the negatives.. Tomorrow will be another day...Don't know where this pic was taken. It was sent to me in a email and I thought it was pretty.

Take care

Something strange came my way

Well as you know in previous post I had mentioned me joining some support groups on MSN for grieving parents. Well apparently the two groups I joined we in a feud with one another. I got an email from one of the managers of one group stating the other group did her wrong and if I wanted to remain in that group I would have to quit her group. I didn't want to take sides so I quit both groups. Now the one that wrote me the email in the first place, she didn't seem at all interested in my grief it was more about her... So I knew by the email I was going to quit her group, but the other one I didn't really want to quit but I would always have my doubts, so to save myself more grief than I am already in I quit that one also.... So here I am in grief over my daughters death wanted to reach out to like minded people and this is what I get. Go figure...

On a lighter note. I have another handbag party coming up this Friday. I have already got over 400 sales as the results of my first party. Even though I didn't have very many people at the party people that didn't come ordered. So wish me luck.....Today I am just hanging out at the house doing some clean up and of course playing my computer games. I am working night shift next week. Because some of the night shift nurses are off for one reason or another.

We have this crazy women as a patient. Last time I worked she really did my head in, she was constantly around me calling me names, demanding cigarettes,peeing on the floor very mean women. Even though she is crazy she knows what she is doing.... The end of my shift couldn't have came any earlier. After I left work my boss called me wondering if she had calmed down any since she left, and I told her no matter of fact she was getting worse. She had got a call from the nurse that replaced me and the crazy women was just screaming in the sitting room. So my boss had to end up calling the care Dr. in order to give her something to calm down. found out he gave her a pill of Valium. Well that would help on a short term basis, but long term it is not going to matter one bit. She needs to be in a psycho hospital for long term treatment. WE have no nurses that are trained to deal with these type of patients, and as long as she stays with us it is going to be hell, because she takes up all our time and we have more patients to deal with beside her. Also the staff gives her anything she wants just to shut her up and when she has bad behavior she still gets anything she wants no one addresses the bad behavior so she continues as she likes, she even got a knife from the kitchen and one nurse locked herself in the nurses office because she was so afraid of her. All the other patients are afraid of her, It would be interesting to know how this turns out... Because we have had dealing with the mental health board in this country and it total sucks.... They just up their medication and wait until something else happenings no teaching anybody how to handle this type of patient.. Kind of like just do the best you can, call if you need anything and maybe we'll deal with it then(which could be months later)

The sun is shining ,why am I feeling so down?

I feel so depressed today, and really have no reason to be feeling this way. Maybe its the down after all I have done for the last few weeks. Peter had mention going to see his son and wife yesterday and seems like I was all for it at the time. Now I just couldn't be bothered. I don;t want to do anything but set in front of this computer playing computer games. Checking my email seeing if anybody got in contact with me and getting more depressed when I find out nobody has contacted me. Wanting to get out of this mood but not doing anything to help myself get out of this mood. It does help when I do write it all down here in my blog. Helps in what way I have yet to realize. I just guess getting it all down kind of helps me vent and then I can go back over it maybe in a weeks time and see what was going on for me on these kind of days. I haven't bee sleeping very well since the death of my daughter. I usually go to bed way before Peter now he is saying good night to me while I am still up on the computer. My sleep pattern has completely changed and I wake up very tired at times because of it. The days that I do have to go into work I go to bed around 10pm then toss and turn for another 3 to 4 hrs before I finally get to sleep and I wake up wrecked facing a 12 hour shift. Just to do it all over again the next night. No matter how many hours I do get to sleep on my days off I wake up around 10am.

The sun is shining and its a pretty day here, I couldn't even be bothered to go outside, well I did for 10 minutes then came back in just to get on the computer again.....I know things could be alot worse for me and I should be grateful blaaaa blaaaa blaaaa Sometimes I just don't feel like being grateful and I feel like my world is crashing in.....Just one of those days.

The birds are here

Here is pics of the canaries that Peter is raising, matter of fact the breeding is coming along very good, we have at least 1o chicks and maybe more, we won't really know until they are out of their nest and hopping around the cage. Very interesting....

Enjoy

First Party over

Well the party is over . Didn't have to many to show up only three, but did get a sizable order plus all three want to have parties of there own. So I would say it was a success over all. I am completely knackered after all the work in cleaning the house. Peter has three more people that want have parties. So I believe it was a positive experience. Looking forward to booking more parties. I finally got my camera working and took some pics I don't think you can see the detail as much, should have took a closer up pic. So we will see how everything goes.....

Molly my dog just went crazy with all the change in her routine, I really need to get her out more around more people....LOL I will also post pics of the birds we have in another post.

Hey be careful out there

Thursday is my big day

I am going to have my handbag party this Thursday, just have to do a little more cleaning and buy some refreshments and I will be set. I have invited maybe about 10 people, I don't think all of them will show up but if I get a good order it really doesn't matter how many people show up. I already have a girl that wants to buy 2 pairs of earrings and a necklace. I am going to have to get the camera in order to take pics so I can post them on this site...... I got the batteries charged and was going to take pics Sunday... Well found out that the camera had too many pics in the camera and by the time I deleted the pics I didn't need the batteries went dead..... Not having a good camera week. LOL So need to recharge the batteries again..... I will do all that tomorrow will need Peter help in downloading the pics into the computer... just a vicious circle. sometime I must admit I couldn't be bothered. Pics of Ireland

Lazy Day

I didn't do anything today, which was ok by me. Peter fixed the immersion pump(I guess that what it is called) For several weeks we have a slight waterfall outside of our back door. I was beginning to think, well if I dig a hole ,I could have a swimming pool it was a steady stream of water from the overflow pipe. It was fixed today so no more thoughts of building a pool.... I have been playing with my computer games all day haven't even combed my hair(what a slob I have become) If my grey streaks in my hair got any bigger I would pass for the bride of Frankenstein. Its that bad. Put everybody needs a lazy day every once and awhile.

I joined this site called Bebo, its pretty good as I can see, I haven't really been looking on the site to see what all you can do, joined the site because two of Peter's daughters emailed me ask me to join so they could share photo's without having to send each person individual pics. Which that made sense. So that's a rap..... This pic was taken when I didn't want my pic taken hence the finger...

ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

IF THE SUN IS SHINING IN IRELAND YOU BEST GET YOUR BUTT OUTSIDE BECAUSE IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN TOO MANY DAYS IN A ROW. I FINISHED UP PLANTING FLOWERS AND PUTTING THE PINK GRANITE STONES ON KHRISTY'S GRAVE. IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD CONSIDERING MY DAUGHTER IS BURIED THERE. SOMETIMES I DO TALK TO HER,WHILE I AM OUT IN THE YARD FUNNY THING IS SHE DOESN'T TALK BACK.

I FINISHED CLEANING THE LIVING ROOM ALSO, BUSY BEE TODAY. I JUST FEEL SO BORED, AND EVERYTIME I GO INTO TOWN I SPEND MONEY THAT I DON'T HAVE. LOL I GAVE MOLLY A MUCH NEEDED BATH SHE DID LET ME CLIP THREE NAILS WHILE SHE WAS IN THE BATH. I WAS THRILLED ABOUT THAT, SOMETIMES SHE CAN BE SO ODD BUT OVER ALL IF I DIDN'T HAVE HER I THINK I WOULD GO MAD AT HOME ON MY DAYS OFF, ALONE. STILL HAVEN'T TOOK PICS. SO TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

PETER IS WORKING AWAY KEEPING BUSY WHICH HE WILL DO BETTER THAN HE DID LAST YEAR AS FAR AS MAKING MONEY GOES. WITH THE DEATH OF KHRISTY AND HIM BREAKING HIS RIB JUST SET HIM BACK ALOT, BUT HE IS ON THE UP AND UP NOW.

THATS MY DAY

I finally did it

I got the flowers planted on my daughters grave that I have here in Ireland. Now the only thing I have to do is spread the pink granite stones that I got at the nursery today and that will be done. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out, birds singing, and everything is starting to bloom,so I ended up planting my hanging baskets and got more plants for my rock garden. Another rose bush and another real pretty flower(forgot the name of it) LOL I am always forgetting... If the weather holds up tomorrow if I think about it I will take some pics, I have been aiming to do that for sometime.

I still have the living room to go as far as cleaning, I just burned out on the cleaning bit as always. It will get done hopefully before my handbag party. Hey, I wore my sandals for the first time this year, reminds me I need to get a serious pedicure LOL I think I am shedding my skin on my feet, feel like a snake. Its my hands and my feet that breaks out in a rash becomes itchy and then peels. I think its some sort of allergy. Heck if I know what I am allergic to, probably my skin. I know that was much more than you wanted to know.

All that is well that ends well.

Put off for another week

I have put off my handbag party until next week, because of this week being Easter weekend and all. So just as well I still haven't finished cleaning. I am so tired of cleaning I could screammmmm, but just goes to show you, you shouldn't put off housework for too long. LOL My brother has called me again, which I had a good conversation and seems like my rage has passed. My son has emailed me to forgive him of his outrage(still don't know what that was all about) but tomorrow is another day. I will be working this Sunday for a nurse that wants to take off, so hopefully I will show up or say hey I'm not falling for that one again. LOL

Life is pretty good. The supports groups I have joined really don't have much to say, so I am not getting nothing out of them as for as support. One site is MSN support group for grieving parents not too many members and they don't seem to talk to one another. I have even contacted the site manger and haven't received a email back. So some support...... The other support group was of drug and alcohol group I have had two people to answer my post and that's as far as it went. I must not be a interesting person, or maybe at that site people just don't know what to say. Who knows, I am only guessing here.......

Better get to bed I will be off the next 4 days and looking forward to some down time before I start my handbag parties.....Nothing too exciting to tell, but sometimes that's the way I like it...

I finally went mad

I can't believe it, but this morning I thought was Monday. I didn't get much sleep last night so getting up at 6:30 am came very hard for me I kept hitting the snooze button until 7am, dragging myself out of the bed got dressed before going downstairs because I knew I didn't allow myself enough time like I usually do to wake up and get ready for work. So after taking care of the dog needs and getting my face on, I went upstairs to say good bye to Peter, as he was half asleep he didn't notice I had my uniform on leaving for work, with a sleepy Have a good day I went off to work. As I was driving I did notice that there wasn't as many cars on the road for a usual Monday morning passing the gas station which was closed I happen to think it must be a bank Holiday and everyone is off work. Parked my car and got out with my big mug of coffee, I walked into the doors at work.... Went into the kitchen and a different person was on duty. She looked surprised and ask was I working today, and I said yes and ask her was she working for the girl that normally works on Monday... Then she says the dreaded words... This is Sunday.... I could not believe it. I said you have to be kidding... Then it happen to dawn on me the less than normal traffic on the road,gas station closed and different people working that I normally work with on a Monday.... What a nut case... To add insult to injury it turns out that it is April fools day.

You just can't win for losing

I was feeling pretty good yesterday, cleaning the house, my handbags came in and they are very good in quality my brother called and actually talk to me and asked how I was doing, things were going pretty good until..... dum de dum dum.......I got an email reply from my son regarding my email that I had written him to go visit his grandmother while she was in town, closer where he was than 200 miles away. She lives in western part of Kentucky and is staying at my brother for a week. So I should have informed him instead of demanding he see her. Which I had in my mind that's whats I was doing, but sometimes my mind and my hands don't do the same thing. Some of his email didn't make sense to me but what I did get is that he will see family when he wants to and he doesn't need me butt in, he even told be the back the fuck off. Ok maybe I did over step my boundaries as a Mother. I believe he has anger issues that he hasn't dealt with if you ask me. When on to tell me that he has a family now ,so ok, we all do. Well I emailed him back and ask him how far does he want me to back off. So needless to say that put a bummer in my day.

I am still cleaning trying to get everything ready for the handbag party I am going to have next week, I have got to the dinning room which I am suppose to be finished with that by now and on to another room. I have had to run some errands today which has put me behind and when you go out here you might as well depend on spending a hour then Peter had a flat tire and had to drive him up the road a bit. which really that didn't take long at all, but it just gets you out of the mood. Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it. LOL Can't believe its Friday already..... I might have to wait until the following week to have the party... Or just clean as much as I can and forget it. Cob webs and all.

Be careful out there

Spring cleaning anyone?

Yes I have started the dreaded Spring cleaning. This is not your regular once over we are talking about cleaning down walls ceiling, shampooing carpets, getting thoses dust bunnies in hard to reach places. We burn coal for our heat in the winter and boy does that leave a dirty film about the place.....I have about 5 rooms to clean very good this week, that is if you want to count the hallway as a room. I have started in the kitchen, hopefully will get that done plus the dining room today. I still have to do outside work, which I think I am going to put Peter in cahrge of that because I need the gate up for Molly, so she can roam around free outside, right now I have this make shift ply wood that I lean against the wall and put a big plant that I have in a pot to keep it from falling down. I am going for, getting the house ready for a handbag party sometimes next week in my house. Since I have became so addicted to being on the computer to get thoughts out of my mind, I find myself being drawn back to the computer ever once and awhile. Its saying Cindy come play with me. LOL Thoses darn voices in my head...

It has turned out to be a sunny day today off and on, it was hailing this morning. The weather does change very quickly around here. I fell like I am not in Kanas anymore. and the voices in my head are saying follow the yellow brick road. LOL No really the voices are telling me to get off the computer and get some work done around the house. The pic is of Molly Malone she tart with a cart. LOL Hence I named my dog after her.....

Have a great day

Time goes so fast these days

Maybe its because I routinely do the same things day after day is the reason time is going fast. Today I broke rountine I went into town and did my shopping. Well I did take home the office key with me and had to return it today, so that did give me motivation to get off my ass. LOL so maybe since I did that the week will go slower for me. My mom is over at my brother house this week. They both called me today on Skype today. They seem to be enjoying there visit, I hope it last until she gets home. LOL Sometimes my Mom can be a little too much and sometimes we have all been a little impatience with her. I am glad she is in good health and still shopping at the age of 78.

Our handbags should be in this week, I think I have mentioned in my earlier posts that we are starting a handbag business and costume jewelry. The jewelry came in Monday of this week and it really looks nice so we are hoping the handbags lives up to the pics. I am going to have to start cleaning the house this week for a party I will have when the handbags get here. I am thinking about next week hopefully I can get it together. I am going to invite a few people over and hopefully I will be able to book more parties from there. Start with home parties and see how that goes. So it is clean clean clean for me ...... I still have to decide what prizes and how many prizes that I will offer. Some more pics this time they are pics of Peters first vist to Kentucky when we first met in person. Enjoy.... also I have the pics of my two daughters. Khristy is the one with her arm crossed and side view of Jessica.

Another Day

I have joined several forums over the net this week. One is grieving parent and te other one is about drug addiction. I have gotten several replies so for and have contacted the people that have replied back. I thought I needed this at this time in my life. right now I feel like I am going throught the grief all over again like it happen yesterday. Its been a year and I feel I like at the beginning. Peter explained it to me of what he thought it might be because I was thinking I was going backwards. He told me is what he thinks, that when it first happen I was in shock and wasn't ready to deal with any of it, I just accepted what my mind was telling me, now without the shock and first anniverary came around I am dealing with it and I feel so mad.....So I thought I better talk to some people that have been through this and share my story , they share theirs and maybe something good will come out of all this. It is getting late and I realize I didn't post in this for awhile and still wanted to keep this blog going even though no one is reading it but me. LOL It will be used like a diary that way I can go back and see what I ws feeling on a particlar day.

I have got the flowers on Khristy's grave but haven't planted them as of yet. I have been doing some outside work because it has been nice this week. Gosh I am smoking too much I can tell because it gives me heartburn when I do, I need to get to bed. Another pic in Ireland to share.

I woke up alright

These last few weeks(lets say months) has been hard on me, but the weeks has been the roughest. I actually wanted to cut heads off people and piss down their necks. I was so irritable I think every body at work must be mad at me because I have been on everybodies case, well at least they are quite people so they wouldn't confront me anyway. I guess all this is part of my grief process. I guess I am still mad for Khristy's dying. I blame it on the drugs, but you just want to blame it on somebody that is real. Peter is staying away from me, cautionally giving me hugs to help me through all this, He doen't really know how to help, but I would say hugs is very good.

This morning I woke up some what normal I even went out to the village, with the dog Molly....I did find myself getting irritable trying to get this stuoid gas cap off the car. I have this locked gas cap and I haven't been able to work it since I got it. Peter finally had to get it off before I went into the village to get gas, the gas cap now is off my car, because I am just tired of dealing with it. I didn't have to get a locked gas cap because my car already has a lock on the door to get to the gas cap so that makes it double locked it has been a pain in the ass ever since. Why did I get a locked gas cap???? Well I thought thats what I was suppose to do, misunderstanding on my part, for my driver test(which I failed) but as I found out it didn't have to have a lock on it. Oh well have calmed down after that now decided to relax for the rest of the day by the fire and play my computer games.....

I still haven't got to plant the flowers on Khristy's grave, because it was nasty weather Sunday and I worked Monday and Tuesday. So now this is my first day off and the weather isn't to great today. You know I even got mad at my brother. I called him I think it was Sunday and all he could talk about was himself and played the guitar. Normally I wouldn't mind, but he didin't even ask me how I was doing. I guess I expect everyone to remember when Khristy died and act like they care. You know of all the people I expected to care didn't, and I got a card from my dear friend Joyce playing a song called I'll be there which just brighten up my day. She is such a good friend. Everybody seems so self centered. Well my brother, son and sister..... Its got to be all about them or they will just forget you. Thats the way it goes I guess maybe next week I will feel different. Maybe I am just too caring about other peoples feelings and I expect too much from other people.

Oh yeah we have bird eggs from one of the canaries. Peter has paired them up about maybe a week or two ago has found some that he thought was female that they were males. LOL Its really hard to tell, well the only way is that the male sings. The females make their little nest, and we have one female that is very posh about her nest looks like she took a designer course. LOL I will try to take some pics when the little birds hatch. right now I don't want to up set their mating. LOL

Opps just realized I posted almost he same pic on my last post. Well I didn't get to neither the parade in Town Tipp Town or the pub last night. I did recharge the batteries on the digital camera. No new pics as of yet. I didn't get the plant the flowers on Khristy grave because it snowed, rained and hailed most of the day. So no outside work for me. I work tomorrow so I hope I feel better than I do now. I have a headache that I seem to not get rid of all day. Have tried to call family in USA no one at home except my brother. don't get my wrong I love my brother, but sometimes he can be so self centered. He didn't even mention how I was feeling today, jsut wanted to jam on his guitar to me. I had to cut the conversation short because I was really getting mad at him. I think it was mostly me. I feel like I want to get into a fight with someone. So really not a good day to talk to anyone. I have been playing computer games to get my mind off thinking about what was it like for Khristy her last hours on earth. I will never know, because all the people she died around just left without getting in contact with me. Oh well thats the way of a drug addicts life. I just wished it hadn't have happen. It's so sad.

I just recieved a email from this guy that I went to high school with and haven't heard from him in over 3o years. I am really surprise that people want to get in contact with me after all this time. It makes me feel good that people want to get to contact with ME after all these years. Well St Patrick's Day they is almost here. Last year we went to Dublin for it. If you come to Ireland during this time of year Dublin is the place to go if you want to see a big parade. Last year was cold wet and windy so that will be the last one we will be going to in Dublin. Very crowed and if you don't get there early you will be looking over peoples head and trying to get a pic and believe me you don't get very good pics doing it that way. I actually saw people bringing ladders on the train to stand on during the parade. Which wasn't a bad idea if you wanted to lug a big ole ladder around with you. I am going to settle for going to a local parade in Tipperary Town this year. Then the pub for later that night. A good band is playing at the local pub in Bansha call Sons of Guns. They play mostly Rock and Roll. I will try to get them to play Sweet Home Alabama for you Moon and you will be here celabrating St Patrick's Day in spirit.

Sunday I will be planting flowers on my daughters grave. Today I brought some pink roses and some other pink flowers. Pink was her favorite colors. I just hope it doesn't rain. Tomorrow I am going to get the ground ready like pull some weeds and clear a spot for planting. I am playing computer games to get my mind off it so I don't get so depressed. I did manage to out today, but had to drag myself to do it, once out it wasn't so bad. The sun was shining, I just wanted to keep on driving and end up getting lost somewhere in Ireland.... But I have a dog and Peter to think about so I can't go getting lost..... Just sometimes I feel that way then it passes. I will post some pics of last year St Patrick's Day.

Be careful out there