This is at my sister's house, out her deck when we went back to Kentucky in September for a visit. In the picture is Peter,my cousin Hilda and my mom. We did a lot of deck sitting when we wasn't in the car travelling to a different location. I will write more about the trip and post more pics hopefully soon.

This is another video that I finally got downloaded, hope everyone enjoy's and if you do view please leave a comment. As you can see I do have some of the same pics in this video but tried not to dublicate to much.

Dancing in the moonlight: my first video#links

Dancing in the moonlight: my first video#links

my first video

I have put my pictures to music. It really is a fun way to show your pictures and hopefully a fun way were ppl can view your pics without getting too bored. Have only done 2 at this time once I scan some of my pics and get them downloaded into the computer more video's will follow.

Now that I have my blog into my new computer I will post more on this site. I have to get caught up on all the news I am spending too much time on facebook...LOL

Long time no post

I guess everybody that reads this is wondering what the heck happen to me...Well a lot has been going on and to tell you the truth I just forgot about this site.

Last month wasn't very good and it seems like this month is not any better. To start off with my first husband and father of all my children hung himself. My remaining children didn't really have that good of a relationship with him( no fault of their own) but I am sure they are hurt none the less. Around the same time my aunt died(which is mom's last remaining sibling) then mom has found out she has 4 of her arteries are 90% blocked she is 80 years of age and she is not going to get a bypass. Doctors did suggest stints but she really hasn't made up her mind what she is going to do.....

Good thing I have decided to visit Kentucky in September. We have been saving since the first of this year. I bought the airline tickets last month so its a go....I will be so glad to see all my family and friends. I have not been back since I buried my daughter Khristy over 3 years ago.

My daughter Jessica is pregnant this will be her second child, was so excited about being a grandmother again. I thought everything was going good, then this weekend I get a call from her and she is telling me that she is leaving her boyfriend of 6 years and father of the baby she is having now.....I thought they had their differences but didn't realize she was that unhappy. Every time I called she told me she was anyway. Well come to find out he has a drinking problem and she just couldn't take it anymore. She is staying at my brothers now so I know she will be in good hands. I feel so bad for her she has really tried to keep the family together by keeping contact everybody and I hurt knowing what she is going through. My son had a falling out with me for whatever reason I am not quite sure but hasn't talked to me in a year. I did call him when I heard about his dad, but just got yes and no answers from him, like a robot, don't even know if he wants to see me when I come for a visit but will let him know anyway when I am going to be there in case he wants to visit me at sometimes but not going to push the issue.

In May we had friends to come visit from America(well he is from Ireland and she is from America) Had a good time, then this month Peter daughter came for a visit that lives in Canada. So good with the bad....

Peter is trying to get a veggie garden started and clearing land for a bigger one next year. I have been helping when I can but my back doesn't let me do too much hard labor. I do have pics to post just have to download them into the computer from my camera. My mobile phone died that had the camera so I bought a digital camera which takes way better pics. I really don't need a mobile phone anyway. Our jewelry business didn't do so well after all, so we have stopped selling, just couldn't find a good venue that wouldn't cost money and couldn't keep going around to the same people all the time. I am still working at the same place and my citizenship form is finally being processed.

I know I have left out a lot but when you try to cram things that has happened over months things seems to get kind of foggy...

Molly in the snow

She is licking the snow off her nose after sniffing it.

MY camera

This was taken across from where I work.

Rose all winter long

This Rose has been blooming all winter long. Through frost and snow...I just had to get a pic of it because who would believe me. LOL The first pic is me and my fur coat I got off ebay. Just getting off work after a 12 hr night All taken with my new camera you can actually see the snow drops falling.

WOW Did not Realize I Haven't Posted Here In Awhile

Sometime you just get tried of trying to tell about your life...LOL Maybe I have just been lazy, either way I just didn't know it's been since September sine I last posted here. Christmas came and went I didn't even bother putting up a tree this year. I did put some decorations up but not many. Peter cooked which is always nice and I made side dishes. We only had one of his daughters to come for the dinner. Was nice and quite, after we went to visit Peter son and daughter in law in Shannon on New year's eve and of course drank more than I should have then on our way back home we visited his other son in Limerick.

I have finally got my full driver license which it only took me three times. But I made it...LOL Still working at the same nursing home but did get a unlimited work permit last year so that means I can move jobs but the way the economy is I think I will stick to the nursing home until things gets better.

Saving up to make a visit back to Kentucky in September. That is going to be great. I haven't been back since I buried my daughter. I have been checking the airlines daily LOL for cheaper tickets. So far continental has the cheapest fares. We are going from Shannon to Lexington Kentucky. My brother bless his heart is going to loan us one of his cars while we are there so we don't have to rent that will save us a lot. People are so spread out anymore it will take time to visit them so that is why we are going to spend 3 weeks. So really looking forward to seeing my family and friends.

Peter daughter that lives in Canada is coming for a visit in May and so is our friend that got married to a American and lives over there now. So that is two people that we don;t have to visit because we would have seen them in may. Also Peter other daughter was here last year that lives is Louisiana, so Peter says this visit is for me to visit my family.

I got a digital camera after Christmas, so going to take lots of pics. I have taken some pics already that I really need to figure how to download on the computer. My mobile phone with the camera died and it would cost more than it's worth to get it fixed. So I decided a good digital camera would be best. So that's all that has been going on in the last couple of months.

Peter is still unemployed but we are getting by and able to save money for the trip so not doing to bad. We will all get through this downturn in the economy together.

Looks like I am good at posting once a month

Well I guess I need to post something here or give it up, and I hate to just give it up since I have spent so much time posting. No one but one person puts a comment so I don't know whether the friends and family I sent the site to are even bothering to read it. I suppose I shouldn't be concerned with that considering I do a lot of emails and hardly get a answer back. Some people just don't like to communicate and that is it so I shouldn't take it personally.

I have been trying to trace my ancestry on both my parent side....I joined ancestry.com for a month just to get old records, you can get so much for free then when you want to dig deeper you have to pay, no matter what site you go to, well I have found some information but still have a long way to go. I have so far found my great great grandfather on my mother's side....but can't find census that list who was in household. Sometimes it gets so frustrating that you just want to give up......But I would like to find some juicy story in my family....I do know what mom told my sister(which she can't keep a secret) my sister told me that while my grandfather Coffey was in France during WW 1 he father a child....Now I have no idea where I would get that on record....So my mother had a half sister that was french and no one in my family wants to find out about it except me. Even mom kept it to herself until about 10 years ago. If it was me I would want to know all about it and get to meet this person before they died, maybe they are already dead....That's my family for you. Love them to death but they aren't one's for communication at all.

I am still on the grieving site and have met a lot of new friend's that their child or children have died also, matter of fact Khristy's birthday is Sept 9th she would have been 35 if she was alive. I went through some sort of fog for about two weeks and now just beginning to return to being normal. It seems to happen around holidays, birthday, death dates.....Even 9/11 brought a saddest to my day, well yeah the twin towers were blown up due to human missile in the sky and so many people died that's gloom all in it's self...But that was the first day I met Peter in person so that's a happy time for me even with all the deaths. But then I think of Khristy calling me that morning and asking me if Peter was ok then telling about the twin towers and I get sad again...Just a rollacoaster of emotions going on in my mind once you start thinking you can't stop the thoughts you no matter what you try to do to get your mind off the thoughts....Believe I have tried.

As soon as Molly my dog gets in heat I am going to breed her. I have already made arrangements with these people that own a stud dog. We have went out to met the dog with Molly and they are great together. What faults Molly has the other dog doesn't and vice versa. The woman that owns the stud dog wants one of the puppies for the stud fee. Both of their pedigree are very good. Matter of fact the only two dog that has ever won best in show at crufts in England both our dogs comes from that line. Crufts is the biggest dog show in the world and everybody from all over the world that has a good show dog competes there. So yeah I am planning on getting into show dogs.....Yeah I am crazy.....Let's just hope I win the lottery and all my dreams will come true......

No Post No Cry

I haven't been posting here very much is because I have finally got into a good grief group on the Internet and that site has a journal have been posting there and posting on other people's journals that I have just been posted out. My MRI showed no growth so that means they will do another one in about 18 months time,so that was very good news. Just wait and see.....

I joined classmates for three months only just to get this one girl to email me that I use to work with, also graduated from High School with but we never really hung out in School. The site will not let you give out your email so you have to type it in a way that the computer can't pick it up as a address, and it worked she emailed. I had been thinking a lot lately of her and her mother. We all use to work in the doctor's office back in Kentucky many moons ago and just kind of lost touch with one another after I quit. Well I would see one or the other by a chance meeting while shopping or something like that.....Anyway her mom passed away in 2004 of brain cancer and her cousin(which was also in our graduation class) died a year earlier of colon cancer. Even though it was nice to hear from her I felt so bad for the grief she must be going through. She was really close to her mom they went every where together. But I am glad we are back in contact with one another. It was the best 15.00 I have ever spent...I have lost 7 lbs already, still doing the walking weather permitting. I am not going to starve myself and I do have a sweet every now and then. So I was really surprised when I got on the scales and lost that much weight. Well Its been over a month and still on the diet cokes, I think the diet coke have made my taste buds numb. LOL

The birds are finally out of the house now just need to clean up that room a bit and Move Molly the dog in that room so we can have our bathroom back. Trying to build anything outside this summer is a pain in the ass. You start to do something it rains then when you go inside the sun come out, after a few times of this you just give up and play computer games...LOL Playing yo yo with the weather is not my idea of fun....

Peter lost his job because they were downsizing at the hotel where he was working, which is going to a set back for us, how big of a set back depends on how quickly he gets another job. So we will cross our fingers and hope he gets a job real soon.

I am still taking care of ungrateful patients.....Not all of them mind you, but we do have a few that I just don't want to even go into their room to take care of them. About two weeks ago we had this big man that kept falling on the floor, well he didn't really fall because as big as he was we would of hear a boom no matter where was, then start yelling. He knew how to use the call bell because the day nurses said he kept them running to his room all day. He did my back in, and my back was getting so much better on night shift. Because when we went to pick him up he just acted completely helpless....Thank God he went home because if he was on the floor again I was going to get a pillow and cover and let him sleep there because I couldn't lift him anymore with my back hurting the way is was, now I am back on pain pills and using my back support again every time I work. I do have compassion but when it comes to people like him, I am not going to be cripple for the rest of my life because he can't behave like a human being. With that being said I will close for now and get back to my computer games looks like rain.

Hospital, Doctors and Music

I went last week to the hospital for my MRI second ,one to see what the growth rate is of my tumor. I will not have the results until sometimes next week. So I am hoping no growth at all....Then of course my annal blood work was do for my thyroid so that was the trip to the doctor. I called today to get those results and everything was fine, I just keep on taking my Eltroxin as prescribed....

Now I have been downloading music and burning to CD's to send to my daughter and sister. Have been meaning to do that for awhile, but just never got into the mood so this week I got in the mood. My mother ended up in the hospital last week with pneumonia(which she is out and fine now) was talking to my sister and she happen to mention that they had been listening to Celtic Woman so thought I would download some of their music and then I got carried away as usual and ended up downloading a lot more Irish music for them.

I am starting to go walking with this girl that I work with today. We was suppose to start Wednesday but it was pouring down the rain. So today seems to be pretty nice cloudy but not raining....Hoping to lose about 24 lbs. Buying low fat foods and trying to snack on fruit. I changed to diet cokes(which is killing me) I hate diet drinks but I just had to do it. I don;t want to go another dress size and if I don;t do something now I will hit a size 16..... Plus hoping by getting some of this weight off I will have more energy, and of course feel better about myself. For the last two years I have just let myself go just not giving a darn....I think it was due to the death of my daughter, I just gave up and said what the hell does anything matter. I have come to realize a lot of things matter and I matter, I can't just give up, I have to get my life back....Change needs to happen and I need to make it happen. So with that said I will end my pep talk to myself. Sun is shining have to get outside before it goes away. LOL

Getting Better

Not that I was sick or anything, but I think my mind has been through some kind of change here lately. I am not as stessed out as I sometimes let myself do. I don't know why I do this to myself, I should just take things as they come and get on with life, but sometimes my mind won't let me do that, it's telling me I should worry and get stressed out over really nothing....So I am going to take each day as it comes and try real hard not to get all stressed out....That being said I have another driving test coming up on June the 4th. I am taking driving lessons in order to hopefully pass this time, plus I am studying the rules of the road. Today I take the car to get it serviced, my hand brake is not holding on a hill and that is one of things that I have to do on the test is a hill start using hand brake....

I have bought flowers to go into my hanging basket, but haven't put them up as of yet, I did do some repotting of some plants that needed a bigger container today, it started raining while I was doing that so I quite and came inside to check my email then decided to write in my blog since it has been awhile since I have done so.

Peter is such a wonderful man, I can't really say enough good things about about him. He is the most thoughtful and understanding man I have ever met. I am so thankful to have him in my life. We have been together 7 years and they have past by so fast, it seems like yesterday since we met. Our life hasn't been a fairytale but we have been there for one another since we have gotten together and will be for the rest of our lives. He believes in me more than I can believe in myself, how do you do that???? If he wasn't with during the time my daughter died I shutter to think where I would be today. The emotional support he gave me and still gives me is beyond words. Peter the Great.....I love you with all my heart....

More Pic's

Finally got the pics downloaded from my camera phone. These are pics that I took when Peter's daughter came for a visit. I will add a few at a time. Nothing much has happen since I last posted. Hopefully we will have good weather this year so we can get some yard work done this summer. The weather is warming up a bit but not enough to do anything outside so far.

My mother had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago. She is now home from the hospital and doing fine. The doctor wanted her to have a triple bypass but she has refused to have that surgery. So the Dr. has put her on more pills, so she told me she was now taking about 10 pills a day. My Mom don't like taking pills either so we will see how she does. My brother has really gain my respect during this time he was with her from the beginning and stayed with her a week after she left the hospital. My son and daughter even went to see her. All of them live about 200 miles from where she lives. I wished I could have been there but just couldn't afford it at this time, if she would have had a massive heart attack I would have to gather up as much money as I could and made do to go over. Thank God she is alright now.

Snow pics

These were taken in Feb. 2008. I was very surprised when I woke up and saw all this snow. This is the first time we have had this much snow since I have been living in Ireland. Still pretty but really glad it was one of my days off so I didn't have to drive in it.

Another Washing Machine Has Bit The Dust

When I move to Ireland Peter had this washing machine that you had to beat on the door or front of the machine in order to get it going. Like Fonzy on Happy Days when he hit on the juke box to get it going. Anyway too many beating and the washing machine finally gave up. We went washing machine shopping. At that time really wasn't familiar with the brand names here in Ireland and Peter didn't know too much either. Maybe he did but just didn't say or did say and I didn't listen well anyway, we found this machine that had all the controls that I wanted form a machine, like hand washing a wool setting and a just spin cycle things like that..... It worked fine for the first few years then it started breaking down about 2 years ago. It was still under warrant so had to pay for the service charge which was almost 100.00 euro at the time. He put in a new motor and electrical system pretty much oer haul the whole machine. That work for another 8 months then it started acting up again, once again another service call another 100.00 euros and new motor... Then this week it started smoking while I was doing a load. I turn off the machine and unplugged it because I was afraid it was going to set on fire. When Peter got in form work tried it again and the electric system was completely gone. I am tired of dealing with this washing machine so we are going to day to get another one. I expect a washing machine to at least last 10 years trouble free..... this has only lasted 5 years. The brand I am going to get is Hot point because they seem to be more of a reliable brand that sells over here so people have told me. I brought a Hoover for God sakes, they make vacuum cleaners in the states and not very good ones at that, why would I think their washing machine would be good????? I also brought a Hoover dryer that has been giving me problems around the same time I bought the washing machine....The ball bearing is going out of it and it would cost me more to fix it than to get another one. I might just get a dryer while I am at it, because any day now the dryer could go... Well there going my saving account I have been saving up since the first of the year. I was hoping to maybe go on some vacation this year....Well maybe it will all work out....I am going to be positive about this. Just a minor set back......

Happy Easter to everyone

It Will Be 2 Years March 19th

Well I can't believe the time has passed by so quick. I can not even imagine 5 years ago I would be saying that my daughter has been dead 2 years ago March 19th. I am typing this today because I know on March 19th I will not be in the mood for it. This past year I have become less angry over the death, I guess you would say I have gone beyond the anger portion of my grief process. I was blaming everyone even Khristy. I was mad at her for leaving me. It was my fault because I had let her down as a mother. Now I know that I did the best I could under the circumstances. As parents we all want what is best for our children, sometimes we fall short of it due to whatever reason. I could not have stopped her from doing drugs. She was a grown women and has been making decisions for a long time before she make the final one that ended her life.

This year I have had moments of joy went I think of her as a child and some of he things she use to do. I can remember when she started school and I had bought this sweater for her to wear, well she worn that sweater everyday and it was a hassle for me to get it off her to wash it, I even have a school pic with her wearing the sweater. She was my first child and I was 19 at the time of her birth. I was just a kid myself so you can say we grew up together. She had the prettiest long blond hair and I use to put it in french braids when she would let me, most of time it was a hassle just to comb it, After she got married she had cut her hair and really regretted doing so, I think she had grown it out after that, then cut it again because of bleaching it so much....I don't know what she looked at the time of her death. Whether she was letting her hair grow once more or not. I will have to ask Mom because she saw her the December before she died the following March. Anyway as I ramble on here. She and her brother would always get along and play together when they were young, but when they turned 12 it seemed like they just woke up and decided to start fighting. I told them one time I believed they dreamed of fighting in their sleep. Khristy was always a sweet and loving child and the hugs she use to give me I felt them in my soul. Even when she became a adult she hug me like that, just a very heart felt hug that I always knew she loved me no matter what was going on between us at the time. I sure do miss thoses hugs. I can look at her pics now and it doesn't hurt as bad. I don't think I am quite ready to have one out all the time, but at least I have got to the point that I can look at them without my soul being ripped apart.

I feel she is among me at times if I stop and listen I can hear her voice talking to me and telling me she is alright and in a better place now. Also telling me to stop what I am doing if I get very frustrated in what I am doing at the time. Kind of like watching over me. Maybe I have lost my mind thinking she is talking to me. But it brings a comfort to me and a sense of peace. It helps me cope. There is thousands of little moments I had with her and am proud to be her mother and happy I had her as long as I did. Sometimes I do have regrets, and wished I would have handled things differently, but I am sure all parents think that way whether their children are still with them or not. Khristy I miss you so very much, You will always be in my heart and when I get that warm feeling when I am thinking of you I know you are giving one of thoses hugs that I long for everyday.

The Visit Is Over

Peter's daughter Kelley, her husband Ron and their child Rachel graced our presence only for a short time. We enjoyed every minute of their visit only wished it would have been longer. I am still trying to get pics downloaded from mobile phone. Lucky Peter took pics with his digital camera so I will try today to download into the computer. Anyway we didn't really go anywhere special just stayed at home and enjoyed talking to them we had two long night sessions of up all night talking and drinking. LOL Well really one night with the drinking. While they were their Peter's other daughter and her boyfriend came to stay for a few days also, so we had a house full... We did all go to a Christening(which was the baby of Peter's son) that they had back in January. So all in all it was a busy time but a joyous time. They all left on a Sunday. It was Ron first trip to Ireland and meeting all of the Lawlor's which I am sure he was overwhelmed, but he took it for the gentleman he is, typical polite American. Peter ended up cooking which was a joy on my part. He has been watching this program on TV called master chief. Which is or should I say was because the program is off for the time being. Anyway about people throughout England in competition to become a superior chief the best one wins and goes on to become employed as a chief which wasn't really quite precise while watching the program where this person would be employed. So Peter was inspired by watching this and started making all these good dishes. This fruit dessert with carmel topping is to die for.....He has used Peaches or Pears so far for the fruit.

When family come for a visit then leave it kind of makes you depressed for a couple of days after they are gone. I find myself that way when I go visit people especially back in the USA. When my plane takes off of American soil I usually end up crying during take off. Even though you had a good visit, I try not to show emotion when I am saying good bye to everyone in person I wait until I get on the plane. If I cried every time I said good bye to people I would be crying all day long on my last day of visiting so I just try to store it all up until I get on the plane. It really takes a lot to hold back the tears when I say good bye to my Mom because I never know from one visit to the next whether I will see her again in this life time because she is getting up in age. So many moments of saying good bye......

The Living Dead

Being on night shift has reminded me of what my life use to be.....I was working mostly night shifts when I lived in the USA. Since I have moved to Ireland I been working day shift. The patients hae gotten heavier and I have back problems from it, so I have been filling in for night shift nurses for one reason or another. My back doesn't act up as much when I work night shift as I have noticed since I have been filling in for other nurses. A shift opened up on nights so I went ahead and took it.... Now everything is coming back to me about night shift.... I can't remember the days anymore for it seems like I go to work sleep and go to work so I am constantly forgetting the days... I hate it when that happens. I blame it on night shift and not me getting older...LOL The reason I call it the living dead because you feel that way sometimes, especially when your worked your shifts and your trying to get back to normal hours for the rest of the week. Like right now, I have finished my two twelve hour shifts and I can't go to sleep yet I can't do anything else either, so I just sit around like a zombie until sleep finally comes to me. If I had to carry on a conversation with someone I just don't think I could handle it. The drive home for me was enough. I remember one time I had the big idea of doing grocery shopping after getting off a 12 hour shift. I was wondering around the store didn't remember what the heck I was there for and think this was a bad idea, when my ex husband came up to me while I was looking at the eggs, we was married at the time and I had no idea he was going to be at the store, he just started laughing at me because I just looked so lost. I couldn't help but laugh at myself also because I was so sleep depraved I had no idea what I was laughing at,plus I was lost because I didn't need eggs anyway. Well it was funny at the time.or maybe I just thought it was funny at the time. I feel like that at this time standing staring at the eggs.

As I get older I find myself reflecting on things I have done in the past. Some of them good and some of them not so good. I was getting out pics this week to send to my son. He didn't have any pics of his childhood so after months I finally got it together to go through some of the pics to send to him. It brought back a lot of memories that I had forgotten about. I did have some good times in my life and lots of laughs. I think of I had to go through it again. I would not have gotten married so young and not have children. Don't get me wrong I love my children very much, but the worry and heart break you have with them at times it quite unbearable. You are a mother for the rest of your life that neers goes away and it gets harder as they get older and have a life of their own, because then you just have to stand by and see them make their own mistakes without trying to be a intruder in their life, and when you do finally get tired of holding it in and say something to them, you end up sticking your foot in your mouth and them not speaking to you because you said something they didn't want to hear.... Catch 22 you just can't win. LOL well that's enough for now I find myself getting the egg feeling really bad now...LOL

The Day After Valentine's

I guess we all survived Valentine's Day for another year. I, for one really don't get into the whole thing. I mean come on, one day for buying presents for the one you love....I guess it's really the pressure you have to buy something on this day makes me want to rebel against it. Peter and I show love throughout the year to one another so this day is like all the rest as for as I am concerned. I am happy just to be blessed to have Peter in my life, he might not be as romantic as I would like, what ever that might mean, but I know he loves me very much. That is enough for me. So all this being said he did arrive at home with some red tulips and a cadbury cream egg. LOL Now I have this whole romantic thing going through my head. Like what is romantic, how much is satisfying to me?? I think so far it is the little things that are done.Like cook me dinner or remember something I talked about a year ago opening the car dooor for me, letting me be the person I was meant to be and being supportive no matter whether I screw up every now and then. I don't think gifts come into play at all. I know there is a lot more I can think of , but for right now and if I want to get this posted sometimes this year I better cut this off here. LOL


I have changed to working night shift from now on. Day shift just got to hard on me, my back was really giving me a lot of trouble and some days I was eating the pain tablets I got from the Doctor to get rid of the pain from lifting the heavy patients. At night the patients are all in bed and just have to roll patients side to side to change their nappies(as they are called here). So far while working night shift I haven't had to take a pain pill. So I guess that is better, not that I like night shift. Before I moved here I worked night shift for 8 years and have to get use to working day shift. Now that I am use to working days and going back to nights is going to be tough for awhile. My sleep is completely screwed up at this point because I have been switching from days to nights. Now that I am on nights only I think my sleep will even out.

Well South Park is beginning to start and I need to wind this down....Be care out there