Another Washing Machine Has Bit The Dust

When I move to Ireland Peter had this washing machine that you had to beat on the door or front of the machine in order to get it going. Like Fonzy on Happy Days when he hit on the juke box to get it going. Anyway too many beating and the washing machine finally gave up. We went washing machine shopping. At that time really wasn't familiar with the brand names here in Ireland and Peter didn't know too much either. Maybe he did but just didn't say or did say and I didn't listen well anyway, we found this machine that had all the controls that I wanted form a machine, like hand washing a wool setting and a just spin cycle things like that..... It worked fine for the first few years then it started breaking down about 2 years ago. It was still under warrant so had to pay for the service charge which was almost 100.00 euro at the time. He put in a new motor and electrical system pretty much oer haul the whole machine. That work for another 8 months then it started acting up again, once again another service call another 100.00 euros and new motor... Then this week it started smoking while I was doing a load. I turn off the machine and unplugged it because I was afraid it was going to set on fire. When Peter got in form work tried it again and the electric system was completely gone. I am tired of dealing with this washing machine so we are going to day to get another one. I expect a washing machine to at least last 10 years trouble free..... this has only lasted 5 years. The brand I am going to get is Hot point because they seem to be more of a reliable brand that sells over here so people have told me. I brought a Hoover for God sakes, they make vacuum cleaners in the states and not very good ones at that, why would I think their washing machine would be good????? I also brought a Hoover dryer that has been giving me problems around the same time I bought the washing machine....The ball bearing is going out of it and it would cost me more to fix it than to get another one. I might just get a dryer while I am at it, because any day now the dryer could go... Well there going my saving account I have been saving up since the first of the year. I was hoping to maybe go on some vacation this year....Well maybe it will all work out....I am going to be positive about this. Just a minor set back......

Happy Easter to everyone

It Will Be 2 Years March 19th

Well I can't believe the time has passed by so quick. I can not even imagine 5 years ago I would be saying that my daughter has been dead 2 years ago March 19th. I am typing this today because I know on March 19th I will not be in the mood for it. This past year I have become less angry over the death, I guess you would say I have gone beyond the anger portion of my grief process. I was blaming everyone even Khristy. I was mad at her for leaving me. It was my fault because I had let her down as a mother. Now I know that I did the best I could under the circumstances. As parents we all want what is best for our children, sometimes we fall short of it due to whatever reason. I could not have stopped her from doing drugs. She was a grown women and has been making decisions for a long time before she make the final one that ended her life.

This year I have had moments of joy went I think of her as a child and some of he things she use to do. I can remember when she started school and I had bought this sweater for her to wear, well she worn that sweater everyday and it was a hassle for me to get it off her to wash it, I even have a school pic with her wearing the sweater. She was my first child and I was 19 at the time of her birth. I was just a kid myself so you can say we grew up together. She had the prettiest long blond hair and I use to put it in french braids when she would let me, most of time it was a hassle just to comb it, After she got married she had cut her hair and really regretted doing so, I think she had grown it out after that, then cut it again because of bleaching it so much....I don't know what she looked at the time of her death. Whether she was letting her hair grow once more or not. I will have to ask Mom because she saw her the December before she died the following March. Anyway as I ramble on here. She and her brother would always get along and play together when they were young, but when they turned 12 it seemed like they just woke up and decided to start fighting. I told them one time I believed they dreamed of fighting in their sleep. Khristy was always a sweet and loving child and the hugs she use to give me I felt them in my soul. Even when she became a adult she hug me like that, just a very heart felt hug that I always knew she loved me no matter what was going on between us at the time. I sure do miss thoses hugs. I can look at her pics now and it doesn't hurt as bad. I don't think I am quite ready to have one out all the time, but at least I have got to the point that I can look at them without my soul being ripped apart.

I feel she is among me at times if I stop and listen I can hear her voice talking to me and telling me she is alright and in a better place now. Also telling me to stop what I am doing if I get very frustrated in what I am doing at the time. Kind of like watching over me. Maybe I have lost my mind thinking she is talking to me. But it brings a comfort to me and a sense of peace. It helps me cope. There is thousands of little moments I had with her and am proud to be her mother and happy I had her as long as I did. Sometimes I do have regrets, and wished I would have handled things differently, but I am sure all parents think that way whether their children are still with them or not. Khristy I miss you so very much, You will always be in my heart and when I get that warm feeling when I am thinking of you I know you are giving one of thoses hugs that I long for everyday.

The Visit Is Over

Peter's daughter Kelley, her husband Ron and their child Rachel graced our presence only for a short time. We enjoyed every minute of their visit only wished it would have been longer. I am still trying to get pics downloaded from mobile phone. Lucky Peter took pics with his digital camera so I will try today to download into the computer. Anyway we didn't really go anywhere special just stayed at home and enjoyed talking to them we had two long night sessions of up all night talking and drinking. LOL Well really one night with the drinking. While they were their Peter's other daughter and her boyfriend came to stay for a few days also, so we had a house full... We did all go to a Christening(which was the baby of Peter's son) that they had back in January. So all in all it was a busy time but a joyous time. They all left on a Sunday. It was Ron first trip to Ireland and meeting all of the Lawlor's which I am sure he was overwhelmed, but he took it for the gentleman he is, typical polite American. Peter ended up cooking which was a joy on my part. He has been watching this program on TV called master chief. Which is or should I say was because the program is off for the time being. Anyway about people throughout England in competition to become a superior chief the best one wins and goes on to become employed as a chief which wasn't really quite precise while watching the program where this person would be employed. So Peter was inspired by watching this and started making all these good dishes. This fruit dessert with carmel topping is to die for.....He has used Peaches or Pears so far for the fruit.

When family come for a visit then leave it kind of makes you depressed for a couple of days after they are gone. I find myself that way when I go visit people especially back in the USA. When my plane takes off of American soil I usually end up crying during take off. Even though you had a good visit, I try not to show emotion when I am saying good bye to everyone in person I wait until I get on the plane. If I cried every time I said good bye to people I would be crying all day long on my last day of visiting so I just try to store it all up until I get on the plane. It really takes a lot to hold back the tears when I say good bye to my Mom because I never know from one visit to the next whether I will see her again in this life time because she is getting up in age. So many moments of saying good bye......